Sunday, August 29, 2010

Five people

Statistics say that only five people are going to cry at your funeral. Five. Such a menial number if you ask me.

Yet here we are trying to make everyone happy. Trying to satisfy everyone elses needs. Trying to fix everyone elses problems.

I am a people person. I live for social interaction. When I find out people don't like me it breaks my heart. I want everyone to care as much for me as I do for them... But, Only five people are going to cry at my funeral.

I'm not wasting time with people who don't care enough to let me be part of their lives. Who haven't ever given me a chance at knowing theirs. I have an incredible God who loves me, an extraordinary husband who gives me love I don't deserve, a family who has grown so amazingly close this past year, and the kind of friends that constantly bring me to my knees in thanks.

I'm not wasting time with people who don't fit into that mold. Of course the doors are always open for new friends, There is so much more love to give. But i will be investing my time with those who would cry at my funeral. Maybe I'll end up below the statistic, but hopefully I'll end up above. i want to make a difference in the lives of my family, my friends, and my husband.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.5.2

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Day 5 - matter what

The last day of the conference, was about endurance. How we need to endure when we get home, and the things we can do to continue enduring even when life throws us for a loop.

~Something in our lives will probably hurt when we get home. But endure through the pain. Focus on God and take one more step forward even when you feel like collapsing.

~ To know God is to know life.

~ It is going to be hard going back to school, work, and our family. But God is here, with Him we can endure anything.

~ Make sure your life matters, In all you do Honor God

~ Endure- Take one more step, no matter what happens. God knows how hard life can be. When you feel like running away, just take one more step towards Him. Be like Jesus. One step at a time. The faster you run, the easier it is to fall. Keep a slow and steady pace and focus on the One that matters.

~ what motivates us to endure?
1) fear - Romans 1:7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.
2) Reward - Phillipians 3:14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
3) Love - John 15:9 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.

Love in the bible is a command, not a feeling.

we were given a similar diagram at the conference. I remade it super quick on my its not that great. But you can get the point. God loved us enough to send his only son Jesus to earth. Jesus loved you and I so much that he gave His life so we could experience eternity in Heaven. In return we need to Love others like God has loved them. And hopefully because of our endurance, and our influence, we will lead others to our Savior.

Amazing to think that little old me has the potential to help people I love fall in love with my Savior. And if I don't model my life after Jesus, I also have the potential of driving people away from God. What a humbling thought.

Day 4-- matter what

The third day was probably one of the best days, in my opinion. Its amazing to think of the influence we can have as Christians. And how because we are Christians, our lives need to be different than the world.

Some points from the day:

~ Not everyone is a leader, but everyone has influence. It's not something you can escape.

~ TV commercials, media, government etc have a lot of influence in the world. God uses His people to influence the world. So offer yourself to Him, and be His advertising campaign.

~ My FAVORITE point from the whole week... "God so loved the world that he gave His only like it!!"

~ According to Time magazine the Apostle Paul was the most influential person of the last millennium. Jesus was #2. Paul was taught by Jesus, but had a longer ministry than Jesus did.

~ Don't let people look down on you because you are young (1 Timothy 4:11-12). Make them look up to you. Be as much like Jesus as you can.

~ Speech is your #1 influence. It is the foundation of faith and influence. Our lives need to look different to Non-Chrisitans.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)

~We need to be aware if we are the example and influence or if we are the ones being influenced.

Day 3 --- Godliness ... no matter what

Tuesday morning was our second day of sessions. The speakers talked about Godliness, and how to achieve Godliness.

We all fail sometimes, its what do you do with those failures that make the difference in our lives, and our futures.

There are three steps towards achieving Godliness:

1- We need to want it like we want the newest electronic device, like we want that new outfit in the window of our favorite store. Give up anything that is keeping you from achieving Godliness, you know yourself best, give up the thing that keeps you from learning about God the most.

2- Find something to leverage. Do whatever it takes to learn more about God. Give yourself to God, your time, your energy. He deserves the best of everything, and our first fruits. If you don't sacrifice some things that you need to give up, then Godliness isn't your first priority.

3- Train instead of try. We stumble so many times because we are trying instead of training. If you want to run a marathon, you don't go out and run it. You train for it. We need to train for Godliness the same way. Build ourselves up. Don't get discouraged when you stumble. Most long time Christians have read the bible all the way through, most haven't been disciplined enough to do it one year. Its more about absorbing the word of God than it is about reading it all the way through.

If you do these things you will achieve Godliness, slowly but surely. The bible tells us that if we seek Him, and knock, the door will be opened to us.

Tuesday night session:

~ We try all of our lives to be more Godly, but we always stumble. But, luckily, we have received Grace we don't deserve. So we should train ourselves to be Godly. To be what our Savior deserves of us.

~ Let Jesus be Jesus in you. Its all about Jesus in us and through us that helps us train for and achieve Godliness.

~ If you have sin in your life that you need to get rid of. Run from it. The bible tells us that Paul ran from temptation. We need to flee our sinful past and move forward, and closer to God.

~ Our lives need to look different to the world, because we are striving to be as much like Jesus .

~ We need to pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace, forgiveness, etc.

~ We should do things for others that they cannot do for themselves.

~ Don't be afraid to step out in Faith. Paul wasn't. We will feel alone some times, but we never are. God is by our side, leading us, and strengthening us. Fix your eyes on Him, let His reflection live in us and through us.

Day 2 ---Truth.. No matter what

Day 2 --- matter what

Tuesday was our first full day of the conference, we had the opportunity to spend the morning in a general session learning about Truth, late morning we had a Discussion group with just the girls from our youth group, Scio and Liverpool.

Morning session notes:

~ We behave as we believe. In simple terms... If we believe it is going to rain, we bring an umbrella with us when we leave the house. If we believe Jesus is the son of God, then we are going to live our lives in a way that pleases our Savior.

~We need to always be aware of our surroundings, but not over think circumstances. Over thinking gets us all in a lot of trouble. Be aware of what you are doing, and what you need to do to see the truth in your life. Be aware that there are so many people out there preaching false doctrine. Don't be afraid to speak up if you think something someone says is wrong. If they are right, they will be able to show you using scripture. But, make sure they aren't taking that scripture out of context. You have to show people the truth, lovingly.

Night Session:

During the night session, we watched a video about a pastor who is into specialized martial arts. They showed him sparring with another man and used the metaphor that we all have people we need to go into the ring with. To spar for Jesus. There may be matches we win, and matches we loose, but we need to do it. We all need to be Kingdom Workers, and work towards the advancement of God's kingdom. Weather we do that as missionaries in Africa, or as employee's in corporate America.

Who do you need to go into the ring for? Who's salvation do you need to fight for?

Day 1 -- Grace..No matter what

Day 1 --- Grace..No Matter What

I had the amazing privilege of being an adult sponsor for my church last week at the Christ in Youth Conference in Scranton PA. It was an incredible experience. One I wish I could have video taped everything for everyone, but I did take a ton of pictures that are on my facebook page if you would like to see them all! =)

Here are some things that I jotted down in my notebook from each day at the conference.

The theme was "No Matter What" And we spent a majority of the week reading and studying 1st and 2nd Timothy.

Sunday night, the theme was "Grace ... no matter what "

~ Our sins do not disqualify us for a relationship with Jesus. He can use the mistakes you've made, for His honor and glory. We are not bound to our sin. But by not giving up sin we are not accepting the transforming power of God

~ Many people rejected Jesus and his ministry because He wasn't what they expected of their messiah. People expected him to hang out with other missionaries, priests and the higher class population. They didn't expect him to spend His ministry with tax collectors, pharisees, prostitutes, etc. He came to save the sinners and the unclean. So many people rejected His salvation because he didn't fit into the parameters they expected.

The speaker told us an incredible story. He was in Amsterdam for a missions trip, and spent a lot of time in the black light district (I think thats what he called it) praying for the people who were there. He told us about these glass doorways, where men would walk up to the door and pick which woman they wanted to sleep with that night. He was heartbroken for all of these women, who were brought into the country as sex slaves, and he prayed about what he could do for them. On his last day there, he walked by a florist, and decided to go in. He bought as many bouquets as he could. He walked down the street carrying all of the flowers, and stopped at the first door. He opened the door and said to the person "You are beautiful. I love you. And God Loves you" Every woman he said that to, broke down bawling. They didn't understand how God could still love them, with the job they were being forced to do.

What an incredible picture of God's Grace. He loves all of us, He sent His only son to die for our sins. Jesus didn't deserve that, and yet he did it anyways, for me. For you.


Monday, July 19, 2010

CIY scranton

I'm at a youth conference with my church...blogging from my cell. So excuse any spelling errors.

Today they taught on truth. It was incredible. And gave me so much to think about in how I live my life on a daily basis. And how to pray for all of the things going on with my family in a more effective manor.

Right now in my family one brother is facing divorce. my other brother has allowed anger to consume him. And I am facing some very personal things with my life.

But the truth lies in my savior. He knows my future and has given me more grace than I deserve for my sins.

I can't comprehend all he haas done for me. Or even really wrap my mind around all of the things we are dealing with on a day to day basis. And how all of these truths fit in with my life. I want to be refined. I want to grow in my faith. I want God to use me to draw more to Him. But I honestly have no idea where to begin. And how often I'm going to go into the ring for jesus.

I am ready and willing, Lord use me for Your honor and glory!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.8

Sunday, May 30, 2010


I'm so tired of being bitter. But I don't know how not to be.

Yesterday, we went to the wedding of the girl who completely ruined my wedding day. I look back at some of my pictures and they're filled with so much anger and bitterness, and I don't know how to let it go.

How do I let go that his dad was crying when his niece walked down the isle, but he couldn't crack a smile all day at our wedding?

How do I let go of the words that were said to me in the weeks preceding the wedding? How do I let go of the memories, the heartache of knowing my in laws didn't like me on our wedding day?

How do I let go of the fact that my wedding wasn't mine? That the day I dreamed of since I was a little girl was everything my mother in law wanted, and none of what I did? Even still, I was willing to go along with everything she wanted, it was easier than fighting her. I was getting Jim after all.

But then, when I couldn't take bridesmaidzilla anymore and snapped, I was the one who lost everything. I was so hurt by all the things that she said and did, but that didn't matter. She's family they said. She was right, and I was wrong. Period. It didn't matter how many times she had made me cry. All the frustration she caused.

My heart longs for an apology. For the words that were said, and the things that were done. But my brain knows that's never going to happen. So, how do I let go of this anger? How do I heal? I've forgiven my in-laws. I am so happy things are going so much better in our relationships. Forgiveness isn't the problem.

I feel like this is punishment from God for the things that I did while I walked away from him. For the things that kept me from coming back to Him. Loving parents punish their children, I fully believe God punishes us for our mistakes. But haven't I hurt enough? I'm so angry that the hurt just keeps coming.

Saturday, May 15, 2010


A good friend of mine is getting married in July. She posts Facebook status' about how God isn't real, and neither is heaven or hell.


absolutely heartbreaking.

Whats worse? her fiancée is a Christian.

He loves God, she essentially has no belief in Him. Every time my friends and I start conversations about God when she's around, she gets up and leaves. She has dragged my friend down, and away from God. He doesn't go to church nearly as often as he used to, and we rarely have good conversations about God.I was there once, dragged away from a relationship with my savior because of a guy, its not easy to come back from that. But its a lot harder emotionally to pretend its not happening to you when it is. I don't know if I should continue to stay quiet, or if I need to stand up and say something. I have said things in the past, but nothing too bold or concrete. We just finished a study of Galatians in my ladies bible study, this verse hit me pretty hard:

Galatians 6:1 Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.

So, I guess by this verse I should say something. But how do I restore him gently?

I was ready to walk away from my husband, before he became a Christian, and before we got married. I cannot fathom a marriage where one person is held to a much higher standard than the other.

The bible calls us not to be unequally yoked in our relationships. He is choosing to be unequally yoked in his marriage. The most holy of unions.

Her posting things along those lines, knowing her fiancée feels differently, shows how much she respects him and their relationship. I would not post something negative about something Jim wholeheartedly believed in on Facebook. My marriage is of up most importance to me. I will do anything I can to protect my marriage and my relationship with God above anything and anyone else in this world. The divorce rate is so high in this country, because people don't protect the vows they hold dear.

I'm not perfect, I don't always do or say the right thing. But I don't go out of my way to do something I know is wrong either.

So, what now, do I say something to him...again?

Thursday, April 29, 2010


I have two friends from high school having a discussion on FACEBOOK about how bad their marriages are. How that breaks my heart. My husband and I fight, we have disagreements, but there is never a question of his love for me, or mine for him. It makes me so sad to see that people are having marital problems and ESPECIALLY that they're posting it on facebook for all to see, including their husbands. Thats a lack of respect if I've ever seen one. I have people I talk to about my disagreements with Jim, but I do NOT and will not badmouth him or give details of my relationship with him to everyone. It's between me, him and God anyways. There are times that I have to choose to love him. Times where I am angry and I choose to not let myself be angry.

Jesus tells us to love one another as He has loved us. Love is not always an emotion. It is a command given by Jesus over 2,000 years ago. It is a command that we vow to, with and for God on our wedding day. I adore my husband, with every fiber of my being. But there are days where loving him takes work. And, maybe its because we haven't been married that long that I see this so easily. But, as long as we cling to that, I pray we have a long and mostly happy marriage. And that we never feel the need to dish out our arguments on facebook for the world to see.

Thank you Lord for my wonderful husband. Who loves and respects me above all else.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Last week

Man, last week was draining in every way possible.

The physically draining part of it all : I was babysitting all week for a friend of a friend, I had a 5 month old and a 3 yr old all week. And I loved EVERY second of it. I have babysat many times before, and spent a summer as a nanny. I knew I would love being a mom. But I didn't realize how much fun it was going to be, and work. Jim was great with the kids. I've seen him with my niece and nephews, but only for a few days at a time, I had the girls for 6 days. And, at the end of it all, he told me babies aren't nearly as scary as he thought they'd be. YAY!! :0)

And, the emotionally draining stuff. My brother and sister-in-law were planning to move to florida. my brother was able to transfer his position down to florida, and started last week. Two days after starting I got a text from my SIL really stressed out, and thinking she wanted to have Adam come home. We talked for a couple hours and I convinced her that she needed to talk to my brother about it. She did, that night. Adam checked out of the hotel friday night and drove home. They were originally going to stay here, and she was going to apply to a chiropractic school nearby to go to. Saturday morning Sara (my sil) called me and told me that they were probably heading down to florida this summer sometime. GAH! And now, they're not sure WHAT they're going to do. *sigh*

Saying goodbye to Adam once was hard enough. I really don't want to do it again. But I do want what is best for both of them, and for their future. I just wish that was them living nearby, and being the amazing aunt and uncle to jim's and my future children. Next time I have to say goodbye it will be to both of them. They'll both be leaving together this time.

I'm going to miss them :(

I need a hug

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Resurrection Sunday!

I keep reflecting on what our Lord did for us approximately 2000 years ago on the cross. I just can't wrap my mind around it. Its so incredible. Thank you Lord, for this new life, and for the Salvation found in your Son.

Thank you God, for we are forgiven

Friday, April 2, 2010

The New Covenant

More than 2000 years ago Jesus sacrificed His sinless life on the cross, for our sins. He gave up everything so that we could all have eternal life. The depths of that I cannot understand. The new Covenant completely changed Christianity as we know it. He gave us 2 new rules in place of the hundreds of others under the Mosaic law. He paid the price for the thousands or millions of times we have sinned in our lives. We didn't do anything to deserve any of what He has given us, and yet He gave it anyways. We don't deserve His Love, yet He gives it anyways.

There is so much to reflect on this Resurrection weekend. Thank you, God for giving us this beautiful life. I cannot comprehend what Jesus went through on the cross for my sins. But, I am ever-so-thankful for the life He has given me.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Bible in a Year

I started a new project. Reading the bible in a year, chronologically. I was already part of a different read through the bible in a year program, but decided Chronologically would make more sense to me! :) So, here we go!

If you want to join us that'd be awesome go to Renee's blog for the info!

Friday, March 19, 2010


I have been finding lately, that the more I learn about God, and the closer I feel to Him, the further I feel away from some of my non-Christian friends. Its so hard to have so many people around me that I can't talk to about what God is doing in my life. I've really grown to hate that aspect of it. I spend my weeks with the people who understand about what God means to me(for the most part) and the weekends with the ones who don't. Why is it that way? It breaks my heart to hear someone talk about the Man who gave me everything in such a negative manor. It breaks my heart to not be able to take a stand on it. I need you, my dear, wonderful Christian friends so much. Thank you, for being a part of my life, and being the sunshine in my days and weeks. I cannot wait to see you all in a mere 2days and worship our Lord together.

I love you, thank you for being a part of me, and my life.

This week is always an extraordinarily hard one for me to begin with, My best friend passed away 12 years ago yesterday (March 18, 1997). I miss her deeply. Time has made the loss easier, but I cannot help remembering what I went through that day every year this time. How I felt in the days surrounding. Jim has been absolutely no help to how I'm feeling this year, which really just makes it harder.

But, Thank GOD! I'm forgiven.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Changing my focus

I decided to start a new blog. I need to focus my life and my heart more on God. It is all about Him anyways. So, here is a blog, dedicated to my relationship with my savior. I want my life to be a reflection of the Man who gave His life for me. I want everyone to know there is something different about me. Something real. Something they want. I know I will stumble, I know I'll have bad days, but I know that no matter what life throws my way nothing surprises God.

So here is my blog, to say. I'm not perfect, I'm just forgiven.