CIY scranton

I'm at a youth conference with my church...blogging from my cell. So excuse any spelling errors.

Today they taught on truth. It was incredible. And gave me so much to think about in how I live my life on a daily basis. And how to pray for all of the things going on with my family in a more effective manor.

Right now in my family one brother is facing divorce. my other brother has allowed anger to consume him. And I am facing some very personal things with my life.

But the truth lies in my savior. He knows my future and has given me more grace than I deserve for my sins.

I can't comprehend all he haas done for me. Or even really wrap my mind around all of the things we are dealing with on a day to day basis. And how all of these truths fit in with my life. I want to be refined. I want to grow in my faith. I want God to use me to draw more to Him. But I honestly have no idea where to begin. And how often I'm going to go into the ring for jesus.

I am ready and willing, Lord use me for Your honor and glory!

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Bitterness

I'm so tired of being bitter. But I don't know how not to be.

Yesterday, we went to the wedding of the girl who completely ruined my wedding day. I look back at some of my pictures and they're filled with so much anger and bitterness, and I don't know how to let it go.

How do I let go that his dad was crying when his niece walked down the isle, but he couldn't crack a smile all day at our wedding?

How do I let go of the words that were said to me in the weeks preceding the wedding? How do I let go of the memories, the heartache of knowing my in laws didn't like me on our wedding day?

How do I let go of the fact that my wedding wasn't mine? That the day I dreamed of since I was a little girl was everything my mother in law wanted, and none of what I did? Even still, I was willing to go along with everything she wanted, it was easier than fighting her. I was getting Jim after all.

But then, when I couldn't take bridesmaidzilla anymore and snapped, I was the one who lost everything. I was so hurt by all the things that she said and did, but that didn't matter. She's family they said. She was right, and I was wrong. Period. It didn't matter how many times she had made me cry. All the frustration she caused.

My heart longs for an apology. For the words that were said, and the things that were done. But my brain knows that's never going to happen. So, how do I let go of this anger? How do I heal? I've forgiven my in-laws. I am so happy things are going so much better in our relationships. Forgiveness isn't the problem.

I feel like this is punishment from God for the things that I did while I walked away from him. For the things that kept me from coming back to Him. Loving parents punish their children, I fully believe God punishes us for our mistakes. But haven't I hurt enough? I'm so angry that the hurt just keeps coming.

Heartbreaking

A good friend of mine is getting married in July. She posts Facebook status' about how God isn't real, and neither is heaven or hell.

heartbreaking.

absolutely heartbreaking.

Whats worse? her fiancée is a Christian.

He loves God, she essentially has no belief in Him. Every time my friends and I start conversations about God when she's around, she gets up and leaves. She has dragged my friend down, and away from God. He doesn't go to church nearly as often as he used to, and we rarely have good conversations about God.I was there once, dragged away from a relationship with my savior because of a guy, its not easy to come back from that. But its a lot harder emotionally to pretend its not happening to you when it is. I don't know if I should continue to stay quiet, or if I need to stand up and say something. I have said things in the past, but nothing too bold or concrete. We just finished a study of Galatians in my ladies bible study, this verse hit me pretty hard:

Galatians 6:1 Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.


So, I guess by this verse I should say something. But how do I restore him gently?

I was ready to walk away from my husband, before he became a Christian, and before we got married. I cannot fathom a marriage where one person is held to a much higher standard than the other.

The bible calls us not to be unequally yoked in our relationships. He is choosing to be unequally yoked in his marriage. The most holy of unions.

Her posting things along those lines, knowing her fiancée feels differently, shows how much she respects him and their relationship. I would not post something negative about something Jim wholeheartedly believed in on Facebook. My marriage is of up most importance to me. I will do anything I can to protect my marriage and my relationship with God above anything and anyone else in this world. The divorce rate is so high in this country, because people don't protect the vows they hold dear.

I'm not perfect, I don't always do or say the right thing. But I don't go out of my way to do something I know is wrong either.


So, what now, do I say something to him...again?

Marriage

I have two friends from high school having a discussion on FACEBOOK about how bad their marriages are. How that breaks my heart. My husband and I fight, we have disagreements, but there is never a question of his love for me, or mine for him. It makes me so sad to see that people are having marital problems and ESPECIALLY that they're posting it on facebook for all to see, including their husbands. Thats a lack of respect if I've ever seen one. I have people I talk to about my disagreements with Jim, but I do NOT and will not badmouth him or give details of my relationship with him to everyone. It's between me, him and God anyways. There are times that I have to choose to love him. Times where I am angry and I choose to not let myself be angry.

Jesus tells us to love one another as He has loved us. Love is not always an emotion. It is a command given by Jesus over 2,000 years ago. It is a command that we vow to, with and for God on our wedding day. I adore my husband, with every fiber of my being. But there are days where loving him takes work. And, maybe its because we haven't been married that long that I see this so easily. But, as long as we cling to that, I pray we have a long and mostly happy marriage. And that we never feel the need to dish out our arguments on facebook for the world to see.

Thank you Lord for my wonderful husband. Who loves and respects me above all else.

Last week

Man, last week was draining in every way possible.

The physically draining part of it all : I was babysitting all week for a friend of a friend, I had a 5 month old and a 3 yr old all week. And I loved EVERY second of it. I have babysat many times before, and spent a summer as a nanny. I knew I would love being a mom. But I didn't realize how much fun it was going to be, and work. Jim was great with the kids. I've seen him with my niece and nephews, but only for a few days at a time, I had the girls for 6 days. And, at the end of it all, he told me babies aren't nearly as scary as he thought they'd be. YAY!! :0)

And, the emotionally draining stuff. My brother and sister-in-law were planning to move to florida. my brother was able to transfer his position down to florida, and started last week. Two days after starting I got a text from my SIL really stressed out, and thinking she wanted to have Adam come home. We talked for a couple hours and I convinced her that she needed to talk to my brother about it. She did, that night. Adam checked out of the hotel friday night and drove home. They were originally going to stay here, and she was going to apply to a chiropractic school nearby to go to. Saturday morning Sara (my sil) called me and told me that they were probably heading down to florida this summer sometime. GAH! And now, they're not sure WHAT they're going to do. *sigh*

Saying goodbye to Adam once was hard enough. I really don't want to do it again. But I do want what is best for both of them, and for their future. I just wish that was them living nearby, and being the amazing aunt and uncle to jim's and my future children. Next time I have to say goodbye it will be to both of them. They'll both be leaving together this time.

I'm going to miss them :(

I need a hug

Resurrection Sunday!

I keep reflecting on what our Lord did for us approximately 2000 years ago on the cross. I just can't wrap my mind around it. Its so incredible. Thank you Lord, for this new life, and for the Salvation found in your Son.

Thank you God, for we are forgiven

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZVjKrmvYYQ&feature=fvst

The New Covenant

More than 2000 years ago Jesus sacrificed His sinless life on the cross, for our sins. He gave up everything so that we could all have eternal life. The depths of that I cannot understand. The new Covenant completely changed Christianity as we know it. He gave us 2 new rules in place of the hundreds of others under the Mosaic law. He paid the price for the thousands or millions of times we have sinned in our lives. We didn't do anything to deserve any of what He has given us, and yet He gave it anyways. We don't deserve His Love, yet He gives it anyways.

There is so much to reflect on this Resurrection weekend. Thank you, God for giving us this beautiful life. I cannot comprehend what Jesus went through on the cross for my sins. But, I am ever-so-thankful for the life He has given me.